Authored by Flan

I’ve got a few words to say here.

No, I’m not gonna be all, “hey you guys didn’t you know that originally blah blah blah random fucking facts nobody blah fucking blah cares blah about blah blah blah”

Simply put, Christmas is a thing where in the end, everyone ends up buying a whole lot of shit for a whole lot of other people. I’ve seen certain members of my family fucking panicking to shit all over the place about the amount of gifts they’ve get to hand out. As in, ‘oh fuck me I forgot this guy and that guy, what do I do’. And this sort of shit just pisses me off. I myself have gone and been hypocritical as hell and bought a few for a certain few people also. But I’m gonna put up a token’s defense and say there’s a big difference between the shit people will buy just to throw at other people for no good reason only because they feel obligated, and the actually seriously good time-waster video games I’ve bought for people. Gifts that fucking mean something.

If you don’t know the person well enough to even buy a gift for them, why bother? They sure as hell won’t be getting you anything, and in the end you can look at it all you like as a fun, ‘exchange of gifts’ type deal, but lets talk realtalk for a sec. What about those awkward moments when you hand someone a gift, and they’re like, ‘oh uh sorry man I didn’t get you anything’? How do you think those guys feel? It’s a major guilt trip. And chances are, they’re gonna remember that. Even if they don’t remember exactly who it was who gave them the present, even if they don’t really remember their plans for the next Christmas, they are going to remember that they suddenly gotta spend money on useless crap.

Consumerism. Just a word. I don’t fucking know what it really means, and neither do you. It’s just a big symbol that you can just look at and go, oh, yep, I know that word. Or you know the meaning behind it. Who cares about the definition? This is what Christmas best represents to me, and it just makes me fucking sick. I get the lunches, the dinners, all that, the family gatherings, and I’m not against that. That shit is fine. Who doesn’t like to catch up at least once a year with the people who mean so much to you? That’s important shit. What’s not important is buying stupid shit for those people. Sure, if they’ve been complaining for months, and you’ve heard it personally from them that they sure as hell want a thing, and you can get that for them, sure. Maybe that’s okay. But nobody should feel fucking obligated to do this – and yet we do feel obligated. And it happens every goddamn year.

Psychology is another fancy word that I’m gonna just chuck in here, since it seems to fit the theme. Gift-giving should be for the important people in your life. Those people who you really fucking care about, and the people who actually entrust to you what they might actually fucking want for Christmas. Not the randoms, the nigh-acquaintances, the long distance cousins, all that, who you just don’t see often enough. Really? Is it really worth it getting someone a fucking bar of chocolate, or candles or some shit? Is it really the thought that counts? Personally, I think it’s good enough that you just happen to be able to see the person at that fucking time.

Why’s this and that asshole gotta feel like he has to give you something? Why even bother? I just don’t get it. It doesn’t make me feel good inside when I get shit. It just makes me feel sick, because then I get that guilt all up inside me, and then that guilt turns to fucking anger at this shit fucking holiday. In the end, you’ll be at K-Mart or Big W, or whatever the fuck, and you’ll be shelling out for this and that, and it’s the supermarkets and shit who really win. And that’s okay. I mean, free market, man, these guys can do what they like. It’s just the little issue that Christmas is a cancer that is probably never going to disappear.

We are always going to buy buying this shit. And these guys who’ve managed to brainwash people into doing this every year are going to be continuously profiting off this, and we are still going to be fucking doing this. And on top of it, we’re all still celebrating it. Like, is it the birth of Jesus? Is that why? I sure as shit don’t think so. Atheists do Christmas. Every single person does it. Even the people who say, ‘oh I don’t celebrate that’ are still off to some kind of get together. So why the fuck are we still calling it ‘Christmas’? Why are we still going on about the birth of Jesus or whatever the fuck? The Christians care, that’s right. Why should we? We sensible bastards, who don’t give a fig for religion of any sort?

Why can’t we just call it what it really is: Consumistmas. Or some shit. We celebrate the noble cause of buying shit every year. That’s what this is.